Example One:  After a year of classes, where choreography may not have been her strongest talent, a student admitted that she had years of line/country dance and could choreograph so without a second thought.

Example Two:  A recent dancer, after a few years performing for VVH, sang in the show for the first time. 

Example Three:  A former roller derby skater, all fierce dreads and aggression, admitted in classes that she felt her acts needed to be “girlie”.

Why am I bringing this up?

Well, let’s talk about burlesque as an art form.  Burlesque, by textbook definition, is a theatrical event that creates a topsy-turvey entertainment of making lofty subjects vulgar and the vulgar, lofty (Stripping president, anyone?  Strippers in diamond underwear?).  There are no further parameters, guidelines or rules after that, except to be entertaining and polished.  Burlesque can be any and all forms of dance, improvisation, comedy, magic, music, acting, pantomime, and any combination thereof. 

So if burlesque encompasses all performing arts, then why toss out line dancing, singing ability, and your own feminine power? 

As an instructor and long-time purveyor of burlesque, I can‘t stress enough that you should embrace ALL of your talents.  To quote the musical GYPSY “You’re gonna need a gimmick” because at the end of the day, we’re all just semi-naked bodies on stage.  And let’s be honest, semi-naked bodies are, in and of themselves, are not that entertaining.  But it’s how we get there—a fabulous costume piece revealed, a suggestive bite into a food prop, a slapstick with a slippery soap on a rope, a series of popped balloons, that perfect hip drop on the downbeat—it’s these things that are memorable. 

So if we have a talent that separates us from the pack, why wouldn’t we use it, embrace it, polish it and put it on stage for all the world to see?  Why shouldn’t our gimmicks be… well, us!  For a while I billed myself as “The world’s only award-winning burlesque dancer and award-winning filmmaker” because that was true, and mine, and not anyone else’s.  And I construct my acts like I would a short film, thinking about mood, character arcs, and how to focus the audience’s attention, as if creating a close-up on stage.  Hooray, my film degree is useful! 

So whether it’s those years of tap, your childhood obsession with paper maiché, or your love of the DUMB AND DUMBER movies, take those skills to the stage.  Because even tassel twirling is not much more than a parlour trick off stage.   

For the record, Example One made quite a memorable act with her country choreography that had the audience clapping in time, Example Two is in the rarefied field of a triple threat (Dancer! Singer! Stripper!) and Example Three’s debut number was not a gown and glove but a Firebird God act set to Metallica. 

I’m going to make a blanket statement:  no one, I repeat NO ONE, in burlesque has drawing power.

If I put one of our bigger names on a flier, I might get people from the burlesque community to come to the show, perhaps because they have seen that person’s work on youtube, or saw them at a festival, or were paying enough attention to burlesque history to know who they are.  If that dancer has some blow-out professional photos that attract the eye, then that might get a few more people to the club to see what they are all about.  But the bottom line, no one has a name that makes the average schmuck on the street go “Oh, yeah, I know of ___________.  I have to get tickets to see her/him.”

Except one.  Dita.  The whole world knows about Dita. Why? Why when I tell people I am a burlesque dancer, I am often countered with “like Dita?”  And when I asked those people if they have ever seen Dita dance, they often say “no”.  So how is it the world’s most famous burlesque dancer is one that no one has seen dance?

Let me postulate this as well:  the only reason we know who the Pussycat Dolls are is because they often used “stunt” casting by working in actresses (Christina Applegate, Christina Aguilera, Carmen Electra) who themselves had their own level of fame. 

And that is called publicity.  Elusive, a siren’s song if you will, but getting noticed starts in the smallest ways and builds like a stampede.

BUILDING YOUR FAN BASE

Every time you perform, you could make a fan.  That fan has a monetary value:  that fan buys tickets to see you perform, which pays you (and others) on a show, that fan could return to see you and bring 3 friends.  Those friends could go on your facebook page and say how awesome they thought you were and that could be seen by more people.  Maybe one of them tweets at you and their followers are curious and begin coming to your shows.  Please please please don’t think producers don’t notice who brings an audience and who doesn’t.  Suppose you do an out-of-town gig, you could have your fans mention it to their friends in that city…  Did you see how that happened? 

Case in point, and why EVERY show matters:  I did a gig.  There were 12 people in the audience.  I gave it 100%.  Years later, I am at another gig, doing a completely different act, when at the end of the show a few of the audience members came up to me and said “You were that girl who bit the head off a chicken at Mr. T’s Bowl!”  Years apart, but that performance stuck with them and here they were, paying to see me again. 

ASSES IN SEATS/ENTHUSIASM

It’s very easy to sit back and say “it’s the producer’s job to put asses in seats”.  For me, as both a producer and a performer, I wonder why performers would be so short sighted.  A shows’ success is based on two things:  the venue making money (often this is in the sale of liquor) and the show making money (often this is in the sale of admissions).  Would you risk losing a quality show in your town if all it took was for you to tell your fans to come and see you?  Aren’t you excited someone is paying you to perform?  If not, why not?  Here’s the thing—your fans could also enjoy another performer on the show and become their fan—and visa versa!  Everyone wins! 
Even if you make a guarantee, additional money to any burlesque show can end up in a tip to the performers, better gear for the show, t-shirts or other swag, and the venue asking the show to continue, or to ad an extra night. 
Lastly, if the show closes, you will always have your fans to follow you to the next show you are featured in. 

SOCAIL MEDIA

Now, I remember a time without Myspace—Myspace even!—when the best options we had was a flier to hand people and the burlesque yahoo groups.  But that’s not to say with Facebook, Wordpress, Tumblr, Etsy, Youtube, Instragram, and Twitter that life is easier.  There was an adage that a consumer (our audience) had to hear about a product (our shows) from three different sources for them to say “hey—I want to check out this thing”.  So seeing your flier, hearing a friend talk about it, maybe seeing a poster hanging in the shop. Now it’s roughly 20.  So you can see the importance of having a presence everywhere might help you out, but you can also link many of those things together.  For example, if you share your Instagram on Twitter and link it to your Facebook—well, that’s three birds, one stone, no waiting!

PS I still feel the best way to make an impression is to look someone in the eye and hand them a flier or business card; maybe at a party, maybe while performing on a show, and hopefully with your picture on it. 

TWITTER

Here’s the thing about Twitter that I think so many people miss:  you have to tweet.  Regularly.  Because Twitter is like a ticker, your tweet could be on top of the feed for 10 minutes or 10 seconds.  Also, the quality of your tweets count.  If you tweet only about shows, you’re not going to get followers.  Being funny certainly helps, but I like to think of Twitter as a conversation I am having with the world, but the world may not answer back.  “Hey World, I’m making a costume today!”  “Hey World, I’m watching FOOTLOOSE to steal moves from for my new act!”  “Hey World, I’ve been gigging so much today I’m giving my boobies a break from all the glue and tape!”   I find talking about your process can be an easy in to creating a Twitter feed that bears some interest.  As to how much of this is you and how much of this is <your stage name here> is up to you. 
To paraphrase Miss Astrid “You are the author if your life onstage”, which also means you are the author of your life online.  Do not feel you have to share every emotion—remember you are on Twitter for your own promotion.  Unless your character is one hot mess wrought with drama, best to keep it upbeat.  Much like the drunk gal hoarking in the toilet of the nightclub, you never want to ask strangers to hold your hair. 

ENGAGING YOUR AUDIENCE

Performing is a very local product, as you can only do it when people are in the same room as you.  Twitter/Facebook/Instagram/etc. has given us an opportunity to engage that audience  when we are not performing.  It can be as simple as being entertaining online.  Maybe you can release a special pin-up photo to just your fans?  What about telling the world that there is a new video up on youtube?  Maybe create an on-line contest “if you can tell me what act I did at my last show, I’ll send you two tickets to my next show”? 

NUMBERS GAME

We have 600 or so people on the VictoryVarietyHour.com e-mail list.  Two days before the show, we send the list a discount coupon that you can get $3 off at the door.  On any given show, we have between 10 and 20 people use that coupon.  You know what that means?  We need a lot more people on the e-mail list. 
You can’t assume that everyone on your list is waiting, panting and sweaty, until your next performance.  They have lives, obligations, other friends in the performing arts, the novelty of you being naked has worn off, they need a sitter, the last thing they want to do on a night they are not performing is go to another burlesque show.  Did you see how that happened?  Your list dwindled quite fast. 

So on every chance you have to make a fan, make it count.  

I am coming up on 10 years (10!) of performing, and 8 (8!) of producing and 6 (6!) of teaching—all in the art of burlesque. 

And as of this writing, I am taking a tiny hiatus from performing choreographed acts.  For the next two months in LA, I will be go-go dancing (albeit experimentally) on my show so I can free up some time from my insane schedule to put new acts and shows into the works.  Because in between all of the aforementioned, I also have a day job working in costumes on a TV show AND custom costume work.

I’m a little burnt.  Like a piece of toast, I need to scrape of the dark bits before I am edible again. 

And that’s OK!

PERFORMANCE ALTERNATIVES

So you went through classes, made your solo, performed in a handful of shows.  And you spent so much time and money and effort on classes, and costumes, and make-up, and you love hanging with the performers, and the glamour, but… the stage fright isn’t going away, or your significant other still isn’t cool with the idea of you being a “stripper”, or you’re afraid if you get outed you could get fired…

You can take a step… I don’t want to say back, but let’s say to the side and not perform and still be a part of the burlesque community.  There are plenty of jobs you can do for your local scene—both on and off stage. 

You could stage manage or do pick-up.  As pick-up artistes know, this position gets the most stage time, still wears a sparkly costume (one you can bend and move in for picking up bras and setting furniture) and you do not have the pressures of performing a full act, coming up with a choreography or being half-naked in public.

Have an interest in photography?  What show doesn’t need a reliable photographer?  Have some savvy in graphics?  Design the fliers! Good at sales?  Be the Merch Girl/Guy!  Got some extra cash?  Be an investor! 

You can admit that even though you tried it, performing burlesque may not be for you.

And that’s OK!

RETIRING OLD ACTS

As I get older I have become aware of inhabiting an area that is between  “coquette” and “cougar”.  My earlier cute acts no longer fit me in the way that the clothing I wore in junior high no longer fits who I am.  This can be a hard decision, a Sophie’s Choice if you will, but with my performance history, I now have a repertoire of 20+ acts (and another half dozen one-offs, and a few in the works). 
And inevitably, when I say to my troupe mates “I’m going to retire ______ act” someone will invariably say “Oh, but I love that act!”

Once you’ve decided to let go of an act, you can pass it off to a pal, repurpose the costume or sell it.  You can still use the music for a new act. 

Think of it as moving on from Nancy Drew to Dashiell Hammett.

And that’s OK!

TAKING A BREAK

Sometimes, you need a vacation. 
In my case, I have not been able to construct a new act and everything that entails (new costume, finding that perfect song, more dance classes to learn new combinations) in over a year.  Don’t get me wrong, there is a great deal to be said for honing your acts (a future blog post, for sure), but I want to explore new territory as I grow as a performer.  How slow can I take a choreography and still be engaging my audience?  How little can I start out wearing without revealing everything?  What parts of my sexuality are entertaining? 

Now, I have yet to meet a dancer who doesn’t have a shoebox of bits or fabric for a costume they are thinking about, a notebook with ideas, a playlist of potential music.  But the one thing we can’t ferret away is time.  And taking time off from performing—and committing to it—can seem daunting, as so much of our careers are built on hustle—the next show, the next gig, the next networking event.  But I can share with you the idea of bringing to life an act that has been in my pipeline for 2+ years is even more exciting than any gig that might pop up in my hiatus.  (And PS—the hiatus is of your own doing.  If a gig pops up that is so good, you can break it.)

You may also need a vacation from other aspects of burlesque. Maybe you need to make up for some sleep-deprivation when you return home at 1am only to be up at 6am for your day job.  Maybe you are nursing an injury and want to give it time to heal.   Maybe you are just tired of the drama and need to take a break from performing and sit in an audience and be reminded why you fell in love with burlesque in the first place.  (This is one of many, MANY reasons I recommend attending festivals, to see the larger community and get inspired again.)

So take a few weeks off, make a big fuss about your last show for X weeks, and a bigger fuss for your triumphant return with a new act.  We’re all freelance so we can set our schedules to fit our needs.

And that’s OK!

EXIT STRATEGY

And maybe after you’ve made you solo debut you decided it wasn’t worth it.  Maybe you’ve given it a good run, but you do not see yourself doing it in ten years (Lord knows I didn’t!), maybe you’d like to have free time and disposable income back.  Maybe, you are done. 
No one talks about an exit strategy for something as ephemeral as live theater, which was going on long before you showed up, and will continue long after you have left.  There have been plenty of performers here in LA that no longer perform (Bunny Bravo, where are you?), yet the scene keeps moving and growing.  But at some point, you’ll have to decide if you are turning pro, or just going through the motions because you spent 3, 5, 7 years doing it and not sure how to stop.  And we’ve seen that performer, haven’t we?  Costume is a little shabby, there is a lack of enthusiasm in the body, a deadness in the eyes on stage as if they are reciting by rote, not by passion. 

Maybe you’re not quitting, but only doing a few specialty shows a year (like busting out that Rudolph the Red Pastie Reindeer act at Xmas or at a Burlesque Hall of Fame fundraiser).  Maybe you’ll spend your last year in the footlights as a farewell tour leading up to your final performance. But no matter how you do it, you have to do what’s right for you and what’s right for the audiences, because when entertaining them is no longer a factor, it’s time to hang up that g-string, tuck away those pasties and show fliers for you grandchild to find. 

And that’s OK!  

Ah, the start of a new year!  All the magazines feature articles on organizing and cleaning and “wellness”, which used to be called “healthy” when I was a kid. So who am I to challenge the gods of Madison Avenue?

1. ONE FOLDER TO CORRAL THEM ALL:  This might be obvious, but you need to have one folder on your computer with all your dancer information, to include but not limited to, Pictures (separated into studio shots and live shows), Choreography (either written or video), Bio (50 word, 100 word and full length), Press (other show fliers and reviews), Repertoire (your acts written out with the name of the act, title/artist/length of the song, brief description) and your Music (mp3s).  Then put that nonsense on the cloud so you can access it from the road. 
2. WASH AND REPAIR YOUR COSTUME:  Yes, you need to clean your costume. I will dry clean outer costumes like gowns, tuxes, suits, trench coats, and hand wash under bits like bras, panties and g-strings.  Now, I need to tell you that if you don’t know FOR SURE that the glue you used on any embellishments is dry cleaning safe, then don’t do it! (PS, the only one I’ve found drycleaner safe is hot fix.)  For hand washing, I don’t use Woolite, since it has fabric softener that will break down your costume.  I do use ivory dish detergent or a mild 99c shampoo (without conditioner).  Using cool water, I will scrub problem areas with an old tooth brush, rinse by swishing in the sink, do not wring, lay flat to dry. 
   How often should you wash?  Depends on the situation.  My costume after performing at Exotic World in the Mojave Desert? Next business day! Normal wear and tear, every 5^th time.  And for the love of all that’s holy, the only thing you can put in the washer is safety g-strings and fishnets, in a lingerie bag and never in the dryer.
   For repairs, try and do them in a timely manner so that you are not in the dressing room looking at the note pinned to your gown that says “fix zipper”.  I like to do this kind of thing at the local stitch-and-bitch since there is usually too much ogssip and wine to create anything new.  I myself have a shoebox of extra bits for all my costumes for repairs. (I actually budget that a small amount of materials will be saved for repairs.) 
3. CHECKLIST: Whether you are a fan of the mix n’ match costume (using the same under bits for different acts) or just a scatterbrain, it might behoove you have a checklist for all your bits.  There is only so many times you can show up and remark that you forgot this or that before a producer starts to notice.  I have one attached to my make-up case for Penny Starr, Jr. (the producer) to remind Penny Starr, Jr. (the performer) to take off my wedding band (not all my characters are married!), check for bruises to cover with make-up and don’t forget the body glitter!
4. DOCUMENT YOUR CHOREOGRAPHY:  I’m going on 10 years of performing in June, ran two drastically different shows, produced many diverse themes… with acts for all of them.  And the only way I could keep track off all that choreo was to write it down.  I break it down by  timing/lyrics/counts.  Granted, that might not be your thing.  Maybe you are taping yourself with your phone.  But you may not remember those subtle details that came out of hours of rehearsal when you do that act years after you first created it. 
5. CLEAN OUT YOUR MAKE-UP BAG:  And now a word from my sponsor.  In full disclosure, I was given a Beauty Butler©  (www.BeautyButler.co) and it got me to do a much needed clean out of my kit. I don’t need to tell you how gross a burlesquer’s make-up bag can get.  The loose bobby and safety pins.  That stray tampon with an eyelash stuck to it and smudges of blue eyeshadow.  And so much glitter.  The Beauty Butler features boards with fuzzy Velcro and sticky Velcro dots that you apply to your makeup.  Stick said make-up to boards and well, so can see the results below.  And while I organized my make-up, I tossed my bag on the sink for a good rinse. (see post #2 for pics)
6. SPEAKING OF MAKE-UP BAG: my non-make-up essentials include toothbrush/toohpaste, flask, granola bar, business cards, sharpies, 5 hour energy, emergen-C, FDS (which is nothing more than baby powder in a spray can—great for deodorant and room spray) and because I am who I am, I carry my own rhinestoned acrylic champagne flute.  And I am never without a pashmina, which has doubled for a sarong, shawl, blanket, napkin or, in the sentiments of Douglas Adams, a towel.
7. NEVER BOOK A SHOW WITHOUT YOUR CALENDAR IN FRONT OF YOU:  Save you and producers the headache—‘Nuff said? 
8. ALWAYS, TWO PAIRS OF SHOES: There’s the perfect pair of shoes for your act: those 6” stripper platforms with stiletto heels.  And then you get to that private party and they tell you “we moved the event poolside” and the uneven cement is not going to be your friend.  It’s then you want to fall back to a 3” ballroom in nude or gold or silver.  Because breaking your neck is never sexy.  You know what’s sexy?  Stability.  (Also, it pays to have a back-up pair in case you break a heel.)
9. NETS AND FISHNETS:  Boy, is there a bigger drag than getting to an out-of-town club only to find some archaic vice law that says you can’t show your breast from nipple to rib cage (Las Vegas casinos) or where you buttocks meet your thigh (San Diego).  In most cases, those laws are on the books and not enforced and it’s rare that the Vice Squad shows up.  Unless the venue has had a run-in for violations and is really touchy about loosing their liquor license.  Now, I always wear fishnet stockings, but when I travel I take fishnet panty hose. The same with nets, a nude powernet triangle bra that I can sew or tape or glue my pasties on top—especially important if you can’t remove twirling from your act without it falling apart.  Again, the point of this is to be legally covered in the eyes of the law.
10.  HOOTSUITE.COM:  If you’re not a Twitter Tweaker like I am, you may want to use this service that allows you to schedule tweets.  This is great if you have many events to promote so that you never forget to pop up a notice that you have a gig every night this week. 

Well, I hope my little tidbits help those of you who think Type A is a blood donor.  

This comes in a direct response to some recent trash talk I’ve heard about myself and my troupe.  Complete crazy nonsense—everything from I only hire skinny girls to I told my performers they could not dance in other shows to I was seen at a show sitting with my troupe mates and talking between the acts. Yes, sitting with and talking to my friends is an offense I guess.

I had, up until this point, not bothered dealing with it.  Haters gonna hate, right?  Put my blinders on and try to produce the best show I can.  But it seems like my silence has acted as an agreement with these rumors, and that people who don’t even know me—or worse, people who have known me a long time—have come to believe such gibberish.  

So I am here to let my peers know a few things about me, just so we are all on the same page. 

1. When it comes to burlesque, I suffer neither fools nor jive turkeys and I brook no nonsense.  If you know me, you know that not only is burlesque is in my blood (literally), but you know that I live, eat and breathe it.  I get no greater joy than when I am doing it, and that I love it, even when it sucks.  What started as a publicity stunt, has taken over every part of my life—this is not my hobby, but a chosen path of bringing some damn fine entertainment, and maybe even a little art, for $10 a head.  Don’t you think if I didn’t love it this much, I would have quit and started enjoying having disposable income again?
2. I have been doing this a very long time.  I have been going to shows since ’99.  Started documenting the Velvet Hammer in ’01.  Began performing in ’03.  Began producing on a regular basis in ’05.  Began teaching in ’07.  Why bring this up?  Because I have been watching striptease for over 13 years.  And let me tell you that if your act does not wow me, I am not going to whoop and holler.  I, the audience member, are not here for you, the performer.  You are here for me.  I paid you to entertain me.  So do it.  Entertain me.
3. I do not hire skinny* girls for their body type, conversely I would never hire a fat girl just because she is fat.  I do hire talented performers who either have graduated my classes and/or have been performing burlesque for over a year, or have other type of performance experience, like other dance disciplines, theater, improv AND are willing to take notes about their act so it fits into the show I am producing. *Skinny is in the eye of the beholder.  I’m a size 8; now does that make me      skinny, or fat?  PS the answer is “fat” in Los Angeles. 

4. I do not believe propping up 2^nd-rate performers helps them or the art form.   If this makes me unpopular, so be it, but there comes a point where a performer has to put up or shut up.  They have to put care into their choreography, costuming, concept and make-up.  I taught people that have gone on to maintain a student-like quality to their acts because they continue to get book for said acts.  I believe as a producer that by maintaining a set of standards, my performers have lived up to them.  I have never asked them to do anything I wouldn’t do, and I expect the same kind of feedback in rehearsals I give them.  Mutual Appreciation Societies do not cause growth, but stagnation. 
5. You can always ask me directly, but that’s not the easy path, is it? Like I said, I’ve heard some pretty fantastical half-truths about myself told to me by dear friends, for it never fails that the rumors were based on narratives that made the trash talker the hero of the story. Oddly, I dispel so many rumors with the same ending:  I stopped doing business with said trash talkers, because it’s business. My troupe is my business and I am very upfront about what I expect from my performers and what they should expect from me.
6. If you at all know me, you know that I have made and will continue to make a commitment to the burlesque community.  My track record speaks for itself: continuing to raise money for the Burlesque Hall of Fame, offering students financial aid when they came to me about a class they couldn’t afford, being available by e-mail or text to answer any question, whether you are a student or not.  But if all you can see is someone who didn’t applaud an act that didn’t impress, then I guess my track record is not enough.

So, because I have some very polarizing beliefs, does that make me part of the Community, or should I be excluded by it?  Is Community ruled by majority?  Who gets to decide?

Being part of the Burlesque Community in the late 90’s/early ’00s was easy when there were—what?—maybe 300  hundred dancers across the globe.  When we gathered at the Goat Farm once a year, or collected ourselves where ever Tease-O-Rama said to show up.   But this is true of any dance/arts community.  Is there not the same camaraderie amongst belly dancers, theater troupes, painters?  Is it not part of the human condition to care about our co-workers.  Isn’t that what we are?  Co-workers.  Sure, not necessarily cubicle jockeys… well, OK, yes, if you count our dressing rooms, we are for sure glittered, half naked cubicle jockeys.  And like any work situation, we don’t have to love everyone we work with.  There is always going to be a difference of opinions/standards/ethics.   

I find that everyone’s local scene is “fractured”, and that large festivals are giant love fests.  Is it simply that we fight with our local sisters and brothers because of their proximity and intimate knowledge of their opinions/standards/ethics, and we love those family reunions with the distant cousins because we so rarely see them?  Would we squabble with them if we were around them all the time? Would we be up in arms because so-n-so produced a show on the same night as ours, or they decided to only hire whoever they wanted to hire (even if it meant not us), or is offering a free show because the venue is paying them?  

But what do we expect of our community, and what are we giving back?  Do we expect our community to love us unconditionally?  And if so, why?  Do we expect every new performer to burlesque to know our history?  How can you process an oral history of neo-burlesque that has thousands of characters that all play a part?  (Versus our early days when you could pin a dozen pictures on the evidence board and connect them with red string to show that Velvet Hammer, Burlesque As It Was, Va Va Voom Room, The ShimShamettes, Dutch Wiseman’s Follies, the Devilettes, the Blue Angel, were all part of ground zero.)   How can we approach newbies without sounding like a bunch of dinosaurs “I remember back in the day…”?  How can we say “alright, I didn’t like BURLESQUE, but I can’t say FASTER PUSSYCAT was any better of a film, yet here we are, naked in a nightclub pantry, trying to entertain!”  

Now, there’s the old adage that “yes, BUT…” doesn’t really mean yes.  ”Yes, I love you, BUT you make me crazy” is not about love.  I think the appropriate answer is “yes, AND…”.  ”Yes, I love you AND you make me crazy” because both things can be true.

Do I think we have a community?  Yes AND it’s filled with individuals all with their own opinions/standards/ethics, for better or for worse, and that we are all glittered, half naked cubicle jockeys in a nightclub pantry, trying to entertain.  

I am writing this on the eve of the 2012 elections.  If you haven’t been following me on Facebook (facebook.com/AugustaAvallone.PennyStarrJr) or Twitter (@PennyStarrJr), then maybe you don’t know that I’m a dyed-in-the-wool Democrat. I’m also a third wave feminist, pro-choice, pro-gun control, anti-death sentence and believe in no-kill animal shelters. 
Or, to be more honest, I’m a Bleeding Heart Liberal.

I have had more than one opportunity to use my sequined titties for the good of the people.  I mean, more than entertaining the masses. I have had my breasts cast in plaster for Keep-A-Breast cancer awareness, produced numerous benefits for the Burlesque Hall of Fame, performed to raise money for a friends medical bills, and recently produced a mini show at the Ronnie James Dio Stand Up and Shout Benefit and starred in a video for AisFor.org about fighting the republican war on women and women’s healthcare. 

Charity Organizations: 

There are plenty of charities you can approach to help raise money or awareness. Do be aware—because the “talents” used in burlesque are often the kind of thing most larger organizations will shy away from, as that your average burlesque performance is just the kind of thing most sexual harassment lectures are about.  It’s important to find an organization that is, for lack of better terms “young, edgy and hip”.  Thankfully, if you have a cause close to your heart, there are more than one option you can research to find that perfect match. And be sure to do your research.  I once did a show for what I thought was going to benefit animal shelters and found out later that the producer of the show used the money to buy blankets to give to the shelters. Not exactly what I signed on for, as I could have just donated a few old blankets and thought I was raising money for pet food, a much bigger necessity to shelter animals. 

Larger charities may have budgets to pay you for your performance, as they understand that offering talent (like a DJ, band, etc.) will help them sell tickets to their fundraiser, although I do have a charity rate, a discounted rate for my services.  Like with any party or corporate event, you’ll need to make sure the logistics needed for burlesque are taken care of (dressing room, mic for em cee if needed, DJ to play your music, etc.).  Also be sure to ask them what length of performance they are looking for, as most live entertainment is not limited by the length of a single pop song.  (This is where you’ll want to have classic burlesque skills—even if not classic costume or music—and the ability to have an 8 to 12 minute act.)

Smaller charities may not have a budget to pay you, but they should be able to offer you a receipt so that you can write the value of your performance off your taxes. 

Benefits for Friends:

Sadly, due to the lack of reliable, affordable healthcare in this country, I have performed on a benefit show to help my pal Natasha, a freelance ceramicist, cover her medicals bills after a fall from her roof.  This is not a 501/non-profit, but a group of friends trying to ease financial difficulties—be it healthcare, raising money for a performer who’s home (and, by default, costumes, props, make-up) may have been destroyed by disaster, etc.  Be aware that there can be hard costs to putting on a benefit together like renting a venue, postcards to promote the event, so the language of how much of the profit is going to the beneficiary should be clear.  It’s why you will seen “profits will go to benefit…”, which indicates that some of the money may be earmarked for covering those costs (as opposed to the phrase “all money goes to…”)

Sponsors:

When producing a benefit, you can solicit prizes from local business and other performers for a raffle.  Again, unless you have 501 status, you will not be able to offer those businesses any form of donation, but you can thank them like mad on social media, offer them free ticket to the show, or signed posters by the cast and crew, and spend money at their

businesses in general.

One last thing about raffles.  Nothing brings a show to a grinding halt like reading 6 digits across several tickets in a dark bar to a bunch of drunks for a dozen or more prizes.  So there are a few options you can do.  First, instead of raffle tickets, I use decks of cards from the 99c store.  Have the audience member pick a card, rip the card in half—half goes in the with the audience member, half goes in the raffle bucket (or hat or other decorative receptacle).  What if you sell more than 52 cards?  Please, from your mouth to God’s ear, you should sell 52 raffle tickets!  If there are two people jumping up with a 7 of hearts, then I invite the two patrons up onstage to do a game like rock-paper-scissors for the prize.  Also, you can several smaller prizes and package them as a group.  This makes the value of the prize greater (and worth buying several tickets for) and will take less time on stage.  Also, rather than wait for people to put down their drink and come up to the stage, you can have them come up during an intermission or at the end of the show to claim their prize and move the show along. 

Fundraisers: 

I like to say the difference between a benefit and a fundraiser, is that the former is definitely for a charity, but the latter can to raise money for personal reasons like costs of traveling to a festival, getting new costumes, or producing a larger show.  A perfect example is some troupes will hold a benefit and fundraiser for Burlesque Hall of Fame, setting a certain amount money aside for the museum and a certain amount aside for plane tickets.  Again, you want to be clear about where the money is going. 

Activism: 

One last note. Rhinestoning g-strings and following politics are not mutually exclusive. Although we are busy showgirls and showboys, we should always be engaged and educated.

This can mean something as personal as bringing a political act to the stage. This has been a tenant of burlesque from it’s inception, as the definition of burlesque is “to parody”.  I have several acts that reflect my personal views on George Bush, large corporations, Barack Obama and American’s love of guns.  Did I loose fans who did not share my view of politics?  Maybe.  But as a performer I must be true to myself and my ideals.  And maybe, just maybe, I can open a discussion about the content of the act.  Maybe, just maybe, I can change someone’s mind when they are least expecting it—during a burlesque show.  Take time to march for marriage equality, to fight the republican war on women, for universal healthcare—you may be marching in platforms and a shimmy belt, but what better way to tell the world that you may be a burlesque dancer, but you are definitely a political animal.  

We’ve all heard the story:  when a band goes on tour, they make their money not on ticket sales, but on the t-shirt sales. But unlike a nationally recognized, Billboard #1 band, the average burlesque dancer will not have the corporate machine behind them to create and maintain a line of merchandise. For assorted projects I have made comic books, posters, paperdolls, activity books, buttons, t-shirts, handcrafted dolls, DVDs, hair flowers, pasties, craft kits, costumes and stickers to name a few. 

I can tell you as someone who travels and performs, the ability to vend does help defray the cost of travel when we know the harsh reality of performing out of town:  selling merchandise may not cover your plane ticket, but it can cover your meals, booze, taxis (and buying other performer’s merch). 

Here are a few guideline I can offer up to help you find that perfect piece of merch to supplement your income. 

MAKE SOMETHING YOU CAN STORE AND/OR ORDER IN SMALL QUANITIES:  When looking at merch, be it mugs, t-shirts or shot glasses, it’salways cheaper to order in large quantities.  However, if you are like me, you may not have access to a free, unfettered storage area to keep a large order of merch.  I have always found it’s easier to make a product you can buy in smaller quantities that can be re-ordered as needed.

MAKE SOMETHING THAT IS UNIQUE: I have purchased unusual items because they were unusual like Guerilla Monster’s playing cards with pin-up photos, a Yard Dog Road Show pennant, Lucky Penny’s eye shadow palette.  I wish I had purchased Trixxie Little and the Evil Hate Moneky’s paint-by-number set.  Because how many t-shirts can you wear?  (Especially if you, like me, don’t wear a lot of t-shirts.)

RESOURCES:  I have used thestickerguy.com for stickers and busybeaverbuttons.com for buttons gotprint,net for postcards and business cards simply because not only are they cheap, but I can pick up at their Burbank location and not pay shipping.  In this day and age, you can get “Your Logo Here” on just about anything.  I am still looking for that perfect silkscreener here in LA who can be honest with me when I show up Thurssday at 4pm and want 20 tank tops by close of business on Friday, and not have them say “sure we can do it” and then not have it when I come to pick them up.  Be sure to ask the hivemind for references and be sure to tell the vendor that So-N-So sent you.  (Some vendors give discounts on referrals.) 

KEYSTONING:  In retail there is a rule of thumb where the retail price of an item is the cost of the item wholesale, doubled.  So if your merch cost $10 to make, you sell it for $20 to cover overhead (shipping, packaging, advertising) and profit.  Some items do have a ceiling on what the consumer will pay for them (no one would pay $50 for a t-shirt, unless it came with a reach-around).

HANDCRAFTED: Since burlesque is filled with women and men who hand craft their own hair flowers, costumes, and pasties, it’s best to create a niche for handcrafted goods that everyone may not make.  Maybe you make headdresses; maybe you make gloves and gauntlets.  I find that if I’m vending alongside Amber Ray and her fabulous hair flowers, I won’t bring my own hair flowers, but focus on items I know are not in competition with another vendor. 

T-SHIRTS:  T-shirts are by far the most common piece of merch and the most easy to come by, as every town has a local silkscreener.  But the pitfalls are many.  First, you’ll need to have a piece of art to be silkscreened on the shirts.  If you yourself are not an artist, you’ll need to find one, and an artist that can deliver the art in a digital format that will be graphic enough for a t-shirt (maybe not a lot of line drawings and cross-hatching).  Now, if that art is more than one color, each color needs to be a separate screen so you may be paying per color for screen set-up, so that can add to cost.  Silkscreeners will not hold onto you screens (your art work prepared for silkscreening), so if you are order 20 t-shirts every 3 months, you may have to pay the set-up fee each time.  If you are ordering t-shirts on-line (which may be cheaper than going to a local guy) you’ll have to pay the shipping.  

You’ll need to have sizes for t-shirts.  One size does not fit all.  And you’ll need men’s shirt AND women’s shirts.  Although I have cheated on this and have silkscreened only wifebeaters in mens’ medium and XL.  Because women will wear a wifebeater, and small and medium sized women will fit in the medium-sized men tank, and large and XL women will fit in a men’s XL tank.  

One last note—men will always wear black t-shirts or tank tops.  They may  not wear white, yellow, purple… you get the idea.  So if you art is based on the background being bubblegum pink, you may not want to order that style in mens’.

MAKE SOMETHING THAT IS EASY TO CARRY:  CDs are small, yes?  But heavy!  T-shirts are bulky, but not as heavy.  Buttons slip into any suitcase.  Hair flowers may get squished in transit, but would be easy to ship via flat rate mail a few days ahead of time to the producer.  Think about how your merch will travel before you set your heart on something heavy or delicate.

BETTER TO SELL OUT THAN HAUL IT HOME:  The first time I vended merch at Comic-Con, I had an acme sample case filled with DVDs, t-shirts and posters.  The case was so heavy we couldn’t carry it down the stairs—we had to unpack it, take the case down empty, then pack it in the car.  Then, I sold 1/3 of my merch and had to drag the remainder home.  Quel drag! It’s best to bring a smaller amount of merch and sell out—and have cards at the ready to direct people to a website or etsy.  On a side note, I often  ffer my merch at a slightly discounted price if you buy from me in person, than on the website where shipping costs may be involved as well.  This acts as incentive to get people to “buy it now”.  If you are on an extended tour, you can prep merchandise ahead of time in flat rate boxes and leave with a friend to pop in the mail and send to  your next stop. 

PRICING AND MONEY:  Katherine Lashe (of Syrens of the South) gave the best piece of advice “Have something for even a few dollars, like stickers or buttons—if people like you, they’ll want to give you money.”  So it pays to have a few pieces of merch that are under $5, under $10, under $20—keeping in mind that 1) ATMs spit out $20 bills 2) after purchasing a ticket to the show, and buying a drink (prices vary from venue to venue) what will the average audience member have left to spend on merch? 

You should always carry your own bank, but keep in mind that if your merch is priced at $5/$10/$15 you won’t need to carry any ones.  If you get caught without change, and the show is in a bar, most bars will be able to give you change (or you can ask the customer to go to the bar and break a $20).

Since society is moving away from cash, you can finally take credit cards using your smart phone with services like  Square or Paypal for a small fee.

WHO’S MINDING THE SHOP?:  Performing and vending is quite a balancing act.  Who is watching your merchandise when you are on stage?  You might be able to enlist another performer to trade off time while each other is performing, but if you are both in the same show that can still be tricky.  You can ask the producer is there is a trustworthy person who can help you in trade for merchandise or even offer a small commission (10%) to entice them to hustle your merch instead of checking facebook from their phone.

This is also why it’s super important that all your merch have price tags and that you have an inventory. 

Dance.  Costume.  Make-up and Hair.  There’s not a burlesque dancer on the planet that doesn’t think of these important elements in their acts.  Each is an element of storytelling to bring their character to life, yes?

But it seems some of our brothers in burlesque don’t get the same training us ladies do, because in some ways, women are in a kind of burlesque training from puberty.  Be it doing make-up and hair in junior high to test our new-found femininity, learning crafting or sewing with a female family member, even just jumping into a dance class is a predominantly feminine affair. (Let’s not even talk about using our sexuality as a form of attention, using it as a new tool, learning when to hide it, when to let it loose).  It always becomes obvious when I see boy-lesques who understand the burlesque arts, that they have had some theatrical training, even if it was high school musical theater. 

So if you, or someone you know is suffering from lack of boylesque training, please read the following instructions*:

1. Grooming:  Maybe you are not waxing you bikini line, and then again, maybe you are.  You might have unwanted hair that needs a trim.  You might have sensitive skin and need to get a few days growth so you can shave nice and close for the show.  Prepare accordingly. (PS if you shave down, in the direction your beard is growing, eventually you will not get in-grown hairs and still get a smooth shave.) Going barefoot?  Get a pedi! 

2. Make-Up and Hair:  Yes, unless you have flawless skin, you should wear make-up.  Certainly a translucent powder if you have that oily T-Zone of forehead and bridge of your nose.  If powder is too much, then look into blotting papers that soak up oil, because those lights are going to light up that oil slick on all your photos from the show.  If you do have uneven skin tone, a light, water based foundation can take down some ruddiness.  Unless you are blessed with the same kind of eyes as Nestor Carbonell from LOST (swoon), wearing eye make-up makes those peepers pop.  I’m not saying looking like Dolly Parton (unless you are playing Dolly Parton), but a hint of light brown shadow in the crease, a little liner around the eye and a touch of mascara will make your eyes pop without being feminine.  You can even use body make-up to contour and highlight the muscles on our body (or draw some in where they may not exist).  If you need a wig, wear a wig.  And I’m not just saying you are never truly Elvis in just a rhinestones white jumpsuit, you maybe shouldn’t be bald Indiana Jones either.  Like with ladies wigs, cheap wigs look cheap.  

3. Socks:  Really?  You’re no-longer-black sox you pulled out of the sock drawer is stage worthy? You’re not going to buy a nice pair of argyles? Really?
4. Shoes:  Same as socks.  Buy some decent shoes.  Don’t wear them on the street, keep them for the stage.  Take them to a shoe repair place and have dance rubber put on the bottom so you are not sliding around on a slick leather sole.  Polish them.  Pamper them.  Treat them like a $500 whore.  And have more than one pair.  Are you going to wear black dress shoes with khaki pants?  No, you are not. 
5. Fit:  get your costumes altered to fit.  Hem the jacket sleeves not just the pants.  And really hem them, not just staple them up.  The hardest thing to sell to an audience is wealth in a cheap suit, but the easiest way to do it is to have it fit.  
6. Burlesque Costumes:  Now that I am regularly performing with, teaching and costuming men, I have become acutely aware of the fine line that is tread on boy-lesque costuming, in particular maintaining a sense of masculinity where the tools of the showgirl trade may not fit.  I find that fringe is femme, but studs are butch.  Rhinestones can be both, but only if it fits the character.  And as for the same with women, un-embellished underwear is not a costume, no matter that American Apparel makes a fun color tighty-whitey.  No one should ever be able look at your costume and know where you bought it and what you paid for it.
7. Jewelry:  The first costume designer I worked for in LA did a few courtroom drama movies-of-the-week and it’s where I learned that although men do not wear a lot of jewelry, when they do, it can speak volumes.  If you are a man in a suit, and you have cufflinks and a tie bar, it can indicate wealth.  Add a pinky ring and a gold horn necklace instead of the tie, and now it screams mafia. Ghetto bling necklace, spiked cuffs, hoop earrings all conjure certain characters. 
8. Tease:  remember boys, you are not getting undressed for bed, but getting undressed for the bedroom.  You, too, can spend 32 counts pulling off a driving glove or using boa techniques to work a tie. 
9. Dance:  I’ll preach it till I’m blue in the face.  Get your ass in a dance class.  Any dance class.
10. Choreography:  time to fire up the youtube and check out your heroes, Gene Kelly, Fred Astaire, John Travolta, Dick Van Dyke dancing with penguins.  And be sure to watch without the sound to be able to break down the movement. 

One last note:  When you are looking at your act for review (be it in the studio or being recorded on your phone’s video camera), ask yourself that if your act was being performed by a woman, would it hold to the same standards of craftsmanship?  Or are you falling back on the novelty of cock in a woman’s world?   

*As always, these are guidelines unless you are playing a character with no make-up and shitty socks and scuffed shoes.